InsanityThe sky is purpleThe sea is redMy dog is a dragonMy brother a demonA creature perchesOn my shoulderAnd whispersEvil deedsHe tells me to dump the oilAnd light the matchCut the ropeAnd watch the chandelier dropBlood seeps from the wallsScreams echo in the darkThe moon calls to meIn a sweet lullabyOf insanity
feyThe wind whispers to mein hushed tonesThe trees rustleand tell me their talesThe sunlight fills mewith warmth and wonderThe shadows reach for mecraving lust and destructionThe sea sharesits sorrows with meThis is who i am, feyMy world, that of Faerie
Faeriethe windin my haircool waterlapping againstmy bare feetthe warmthof the suncaressing my skinthis is my worldthe world ofFaeriewill you come awaywith me?will you be myother half?balance my worldbe the calm againstthe stormthe moonlighti revel inthe fire thatkeeps the dark at baymy love,come with meto Faerie
Mine?I ask forForeverAnd You sayYou willAlwaysBe thereButThe distanceScares meThe timeUnravels meWhen we areTogether againWill you stillBe mine?
My WorldWhen I'm with youEverything fades awayYou make me feel aliveI want you all the timeWhen you're goneI feel emptyColdLostDeadBut, when I'm with youThe world comes aliveThe colors are brighterThe sounds clearerThe tastes sweeterYou are my strengthMy stability, my everythingYou are my world
melt downmy lifetornmy heartshatteredmy head isa mess ofconfusioni don't knowwhat to docan you tell mewhat to doim in themiddle ofa mentalbreak downoh yesim havinga melt down
RELIEFThe biteof thebladeThe stingof thepainThe flowof thebloodreliefsosweet
Hopedarkso darki runand irunwhere isthe lightthe wallsare closing inhopelessand alonein thedarka smilein thenighta warmthin thecoldyour handheld outto memyshininghope
ESCAPElostin amaze ofinsanityrunningthroughempty roomsand burningforestssearchingalwayssearchingfor anescape
LessonsIn forty-seven minutes I will be twenty-one years old and my throat is tight with this notionthat every passing moment is a boat taking me further from the boy on the side of the road.I am terrified of the swelling tide of time, the ripples I will create,the creases that will be etched into my facewithout the laughter lines I know he would have left andone day someone will ask me how many siblings I have and I will hesitatebecause he will be so distant and I can feel it coming.I never intended to swim without him, butI am drowning under the weight of pocket-stone-people,the ones I love who he has never met and won't ever meetand its forty-four minutes until I turn twenty-one when I realize the relentlessness of this;how I will age away from him and I am disgusted with myself, with his ashes on the bookshelf,with this world that keeps making mistakes that can't be fixed.Twenty one years old and I am a semi-colon, a shuddering pause on the floor,remembering the time I broke
Dear Homophobic ParentsDear homophobic parents,How the fuck do you think it makes me feelWhen you walk out of the room cryingBecause you can’t stand the thought of something I can’t control.I’ll tell you that it makes my insides burn.The living room feels like a closet.Suffocating, and yet I can breathe fine.I am choking on the air,Polluted by your homophobic slurs.You’re hypocrites.Making uneducated guesses about things you know nothing about.Someone ought to teach you to look shit upBefore you go about, shouting your false claims to the world.My very existence is an error.Some messed up chemical defect that went wrong,I don’t belongAnywhere.I am the Titanic,To you I am supposed to be perfectAnd unsinkable.I am supposed to be straight, and happy, and fine.But I am so very far from fine,When my lungs are filling up with water,Your words are an ice berg,And I am sinking fast.
.my heartbecomesa madmantakingan axeto its ownbody
beautiful.i hate my stretchmarksthe vertical the horizontal the ones running miles down my armsstripes on a circus tentmy body is a freak show75 cents a ticketthey are the bars on a cagetrapping me inside this prison cell of flesh (not letting me run away from all i once was)reminding me that i am still that little girl who was told that she had toomuch weight in her stomachand in her thighs to be called beautifulmy stretchmarks are the debris from when i tried to collapse upon myselftried taking up less space because beautiful is small beautiful is skinnydiets upon dietsbecause i've been told thati am only worth the sharpness of my collarbone
why i never wrote you a poem.last summer i triedto use the words that you fell asleep toto write you a love song butevery time i triedmy fingers froze up.i failed the test of describing youin a paragraphin a sentencein a wordbecausethere is nothing in my head adequate enough(worthy enough)to describe how you lookon the train station platformwhen you smile at me.i can tell you thatmy heart climbs into my throat andmy body prickles with heat andeverything disappears, for just a moment, butthe thing i cannot describeis you.your mouth caresses my namelike it’s the most beautiful soundit’ll ever know,like it understands me perfectly,but you,you are not made of verses.you have no meter.you are not written in stanzasthat i understandand i find myself captivatedat how beautifully complexyour language is.you say i’m the mesmerizing one, but, baby,you've stumped me.you have left a girl,a writer,a person who wants to build their lifewith words,speechless.
girls that photosynthesizeI.i asked my mother to buy me sweetener,and she said "no," and she said "no,sugar is better for you it's more natural"so i shrug and i clamp my teeth over my tongue and sew my mouth closedand i steal sweet n' lowfrom the pizza placeII.my friends watch me pick at my lettuce,a rabbit-food-lunch that makes me sickto my stomach, and when i run to thebathroom during science class theyfollow me and ask what i ate for breakfast.i say "waffles" because they can't knowi won't let them stop meIII.my therapist asks me if i think i'm sickand i'm not, i'm strong, but i can't benot here not here, and the $$$$$$$$are ticking away as i consider my answerso i say "yes" and she asks me whati will become and i say "better"because that's all they want to hearIV.my dietitian sets up a rough meal planand she says i won't gain weight on itsomehow i trust this woman with arton the walls of her office and i pickthrough the day in corn-kernel bites,
WeightWeightThere is a weightYou asked me to hold.(Just for a while,Just for a while.)My tendons strain and snap,I lack your Atlas strength.The crushing force of gravityMakes me weak, makes me sore.Take it back, take it back,But you’ve gone away.I’m sinking down, I’m sinking down.The water rises to my throat.Pushing down, rising upDrowning and drowning and drowning.Take it back, please take it back,Where have you gone?I’m pinned beneath this weight,With water to my nose.My lungs fill up with salt,Choking and screaming and breathingOnly freezing thickness of water.Where is that mild friend oxygen?Where has he gone?My stinging eyes are blind here.I cannot to escape, unwillingTo shed this leaden snareWherein I dwell confined.By You.I grip it tightly.Surely I will die,Sweet air has left my bloodcompletely.I lay back and let black water take me,Frozen fingers loosen on Your weight.And all at onceit falls awaycompletely.I watch i
Was Beauty, Now BeastComing back again, the same situation,Everything has changed due to my perpetration.Beauty used to be in every word that I speak,But I spat so much poison, that I can barely squeak!I used to write a fantasy and now I'm simply dreamless,I'm struggling with this sickness, it leaves me solely listless,Or maybe I'm just soulless, my eyes are milky blind,Where once I saw the beauty; I only see the grindIt should be a crime, a poet falling low,The world has lost an artist; it gained a rapper though.But all I have is acid, recriminating bile,My style is simply vile; I've lost the will to smile.But maybe if I try, I might get something back.I guess I need to stop the hate to put me back on track.
Feel like shit? Read this. Hey you. Yeah you, reading this right now at this very moment. You are awesome. No, really, you are. You may not believe me, but it's true. You don't see it because you're upset right now. Whatever you're going through right now, whatever has upset you or turned your life upside down, just know that it won't last forever. Nothing good lasts forever, that's true, but nothing bad lasts forever too. Eventually whatever you're going through will pass, you'll move on through healing over time, and you'll be able to be happy again someday, don't worry. As long as you don't give up. You may never completely get over it, or it may take years or more to move on from, but I can promise as time goes on the pain will become less and less. It may feel like no one gives a fuck about you, and you may want to give up on living, but please don't. I can promise atleast one person out there gives a fuck. And if no one does, then I do. If you have no friends, I ca
fallingfallingfallingfallingdeeperanddeepereverythinggoes blackcold tendrilsof fog creeparound methe darkoblivionconsumes mei let goand falla silent cryescapes my lipsi reach outmy handand hopeyou willcatch mebefore i'mlost